10 Life Rules I've Learned From Mistakes
10 life rules to share, which I've learned from making mistakes. 😮
1. Never assume other people think how you think, believe what you believe, or know what you know.
2. Very few people want to be a leader. Most just want the paycheck and job title associated with being a leader. True leaders lead regardless of job title or position, even when it isn't their duty to do so. Don't promote people based on performance within supporting roles, unless they've also demonstrated they continuously lead others.
3. Never take financial or investment advice from someone with less net worth than you have. They may know what to say, but they may not know how to play the game.
4. Do not waste another minute in any relationship with someone who does not support or believe in you. It's better to be alone than to carry an anchor on your back.
5. Call your shots and utilize external accountability from others to complete your daily, weekly, and yearly goals. There is no "hustle hard in silence" until you've demonstrated amazing results and proven discipline. Most people keep quiet so that they can simply fail in silence, to avoid having other know about their failures. Don't you want to achieve goals, instead?
6. Hang around with a bunch of divorced people, and you'll likely end up divorced, too. That mindset is contagious, and I've seen this play out too many times to count. Hang around with people who gossip, and they will gossip about you when you aren't around.
7. The ultimate key to happiness is simple. Control access to your mind. Stop watching the news, which is just manipulative propaganda intended to stir up negative emotions. Unsubscribe and unfollow all news media, and unfriend or unfollow people that keep sharing the atrocious news headline articles. You control what you see and read, nobody else.
8. Most people define their self worth, or worse; Their ceiling of potential, based on a snapshot of their current salary, profession, or income level. We are conditioned to believe the levels of society exist, and that we must fit in, somewhere. This is all imaginary. Your potential is endless and has no limit. The only limit is what you believe for yourself; or what others have told you about your limits.
9. Broken, insecure, envious mindsets exist within the entire spectrum of social and financial standings. As you earn more and surround yourself with others earning more, you'll discover that these negative mindsets aren't something that you graduate from, or earn enough to outgrow from. Victim and fixed mindset people exist everywhere, at every income level. Avoid those people, they tend to run in groups.
10. Most will never achieve what they truly want, because most will never sacrifice something they truly love, in order to move backwards. Sometimes the correct move is to move backwards momentarily, regroup, and redirect focus. Scarcity mindset causes people to hold on to what they possess with a death-grip. Your material possessions, career, lifestyle, perceived status, distracting or expensive hobbies, etc... It's easy to give up things you don't really care about, but nearly impossible for most to give up things they truly love and enjoy; even if the sacrifice is short-term and leads them to their dream life.
-Tony Whatley
Mr. President? No Thanks.
I would not want to be President of The United States.
Why would anyone want to be the leader of a broken government?
The President takes the blame for all the negativity that comes as a result of government failures, interference, or actions.
The President never receives acknowledgement for the good results. People demand those results, anyways.
The President has no authority over the major problem that exists within our government; Our Congress.
Congress consists of 535 elected people, who are more interested in voting based on political party, rather than on what is good for the country.
The two-party political system is broken. People in Congress vote based on party to keep their own jobs, rather than represent the needs of the country.
It requires zero logic, zero ideas, zero individual leadership to simply vote red or blue. These Congress members simply do what their party leaders tell them to do, or else.
Members of Congress earn less than $200K per year salary, but exit as multi-millionaires. They often get away with bribery, insider trading, extortion, and other felonies.
So we have 535 people living well above their salaried means, getting special privileges above and beyond normal citizens, earning millions from side-hustles while claiming no conflicts of interest... and the President takes all the blame for their actions, and inaction.
This country needs Congress member term limits, just like the President. No more lifetime politicians, period.
This country needs to do away with the two-party politics, and to adopt the process of voting on politicians as individuals; by judging their unique character, ideas, and core values.
But, we know this will never happen. Those in control enjoy their money trails. They love the games they have created.
Who would want to be the President of that bullshit? Not me.
I'll be over here teaching millions of people how to succeed, regardless of who sits in the White House.
-Tony
Want To Become A Speaker?
Want To Become A Speaker? 🤩
Several of you have a desire to become a public speaker. You have an excellent story or message you want to share with the world.
You want to impact people. You want to build influence or fame.
You love the adrenaline rush of doing something that most people rank a higher fear than death, itself.
You probably know that public speakers have the potential to earn more per hour than any other profession, outside of pro sports. Most professional speakers earn $5,000 - $150,000 per hour on stage.🤯
But here comes the hard truth, as you should always expect from me.
You need to be honest with your skill set as a speaker.
Too many believe "public speaking" is just about having the occasional courage to stand in front of people and speak.
That isn't even close to what is considered skill in public speaking.
Millions of people have that occasional courage to speak in front of people. Millions of people also do a poor job of engaging their audience, or boring them enough to go take a piss break.
Having the courage to stand in front of people isn't public speaking. That is just one small component of public speaking.
If you want to master this craft, you must first respect your audience. They are there to watch you and listen to your speech. They are donating their most valuable asset, time, to listen to you.
This means that you should honor them by having invested in yourself, before you took that stage. You should have put in some serious hours to hone your craft and skills, before thinking you deserve to stand in front of them.
Despite what you believe, your personal success story isn't enough to warrant standing on a stage. You haven't invested in yourself as a speaker, yet.
Did you study, learn, and practice the skills to effectively deliver your message in an engaging and entertaining manner?
Have you learned how create the energy transfer from yourself into every member in your audience?
Are you solid on your form, stage presence and motion, eye contact, and hand gestures?
Have you extended your vocal range and speak outside of a boring monotone, mono-volume, mono-speed, mono-cadence level?
Have you raised enough awareness of your spoken words to quit saying "umm... uh... sooo... like" and other annoying distracting words that make you appear less confident, less certain, or under-prepared?
Have you figured out how to weave vivid story details into your speech format, so that you bring your audience on an emotional roller-coaster and journey?
Are you investing in yourself to reach those levels? Are you investing in speech training, speaker coaches, voice coaches, studying the greatest speakers?
And finally, are you putting in the reps to practice? Are you recording hundreds of videos to practice your speaking skills as you learn them? Are you joining organizations like Toastmasters to get more reps? Are you volunteering to speak at events? Are you always striving to improve?
If you want to become a speaker, start doing what it takes. Don't fool yourself into thinking this is just about standing in front of people. That's the easy part. 🔥
Tony
Understanding Critics
This facebook post I created received a tremendous reaction. It is an important topic, so I want to take a moment to help you get past it.
We unfortunately live with this belief because we observe it happening to us during the course of our lives. It comes in cycles, and never really disappears. Humans are humans.
We remember the many times we've been taken advantage of. Betrayed, back-stabbed, and let down.
We've felt the sting of ridicule and passive-aggressive negativity from supposed "friends" and family.
We've hoped for support from them, only to find sabotage actually occurred.
We can't fix those negative people. Don't even try.
Instead, we must understand why they act like they do. Once we understand where it comes from, we are able to process it and react accordingly.
Hurt people subconsciously choose to hurt other people. It becomes their natural reaction.
Think about it for a moment. Nobody who is genuinely happy and fulfilled in life, will spare a single second to bring someone else down. Happy people want to make others happy, period.
Those negative people and their fixed mindsets simply aren't aware. They see someone else climbing in success and improving, and they subconsciously believe there is somehow less success available for them. They don't realize that there is no shortage of success and happiness in this world.
These critics, naysayers, and haters operate within a scarcity mindset. Many of them walk around with false armor, pretending to be happier and more successful than they are.
All of them are just insecure, have self-doubt, and know that something is lacking in their lives. That makes them no different from the rest of us. The difference is that some of us choose to improve and support others, while others choose a life of complacency and comfort, and would rather bring others down, rather than climb higher for themselves.
When you start to take those steps to improve and begin to shine brighter and brighter... that light puts a spotlight on the things they know they are failing at. They don't like that feeling. They want to do things to dim your shine. For them, it is easier than trying to fix the things that bother them.
So the next time someone tries to take you down a notch, laugh at your ideas and dreams, ridicule you, gang up on you, humiliate you, or insult you... realize that it is just them, not you.
That is their subconscious lack of self-worth speaking for them, their low self-esteem. That is their insecurities and complacency speaking in their behalf. That is them projecting their flaws onto you.
When you are doing positive things in this world, you will inspire so many more people. They may not say much, as they tend to be less vocal than the critic.
Just remember that your silent supporters are a vast majority of those you interact with. Critics tend to be a small, overly-vocal minority. Critics also tend to hang out with other critics, because they feel too small as an individual on their own.
Critics don't have the courage to do what you are doing. Critics will never step into the same arena. They hang out in the cheap seats, with the rest of the spectators in life.
Keep going 🔥
Finding Real Influence
Before I started sharing my thoughts, people only knew my cars.😔
That wasn't real influence. It was one-dimensional. Shallow.
I didn't grow up with money. For decades of my life, I had low self-esteem and felt I had to always prove myself. I used to feel I wasn't worthy of having what I do, now. Perhaps I had gotten lucky?
Too many of us define our self-worth based on our possessions and accomplishments. Even though we know we do it, we conjure up some denial about doing so.
I knew I had a story inside me to share. I believed I wasn't good enough to share it, unfortunately. I knew I'd be criticized and judged when I eventually stepped into the spotlight. I was correct, those people appeared.
But, I have zero regrets.
I no longer allow my cars to define my self worth. I quit hanging around people who value material items more than integrity and character. Those other low self-esteemed who try to 1-up me, and bring me down.
If you want to build real influence and find your true audience and support base, you must start letting people know who YOU are. Not just about what you OWN.
This photo was my driveway in 2009. Ten years ago! I was great at taking photos, but too much of a coward to stand in front of the camera.
Life is much better, happier, and fulfilled nowadays. 🧡
Book Marketing To Best-Seller
You could write the best book in the world. But, if nobody knows about it, then would it matter? I hope to inform you on how to be sure that your book gets discovered by thousands of readers.
I love books. On average, I finish one per week. These are mostly non-fiction. There is no better way to learn decades of knowledge from experts in any subject. Books make this simple, with such a condensed and inexpensive format. Want to learn something new? There are probably dozens, if not hundreds of books on that subject. Read a few, to gain several perspectives.
Because of my utmost respect for books, I’ve always admired other people who held the title of “Author”. While I’ve been published for writing magazine articles in the past, those come with the title of “Journalist” or “Writer”, rather than “Author”. It only takes a couple hours of dedication to write an article. It takes months to write a book, therefore earning more esteem with me.
How do you effectively market your book? So many authors make the mistake of going through the entire process of writing a book, getting it published, and then deciding to market it. They missed out on months of potential marketing, via social media. The book tours, book signings, speaking gigs, interviews and such come afterward… and those are still easier to get when your book is already a best-seller.
I began marketing my book before I typed the very first word.
In order to prepare myself to become the person that I needed to be, to effectively market this book on podcasts, radio, live interviews, TV, and speaking events… I started taking lessons in public speaking. I joined Toastmasters.org and attended weekly speaking training meetings for almost a year before my book launch. This gave me more confidence and presentation skill for doing live videos along the way. Joining Toastmasters has changed my life; I wish I had joined years sooner. If public speaking or doing live video is a weak point for you, then you give up a huge amount of marketing potential. You must step out of that comfort zone and become the person that you need to be. This training will also greatly improve my upcoming podcast show.
Prior to the start of writing my book, I posted a simple question on my Facebook timeline. “Hey everyone, I’m considering writing a book. What would you like to learn from me?” It got dozens and dozens of responses. Some responses were funny, some sarcastic, and some purposeful. All responses are excellent, and all responses to those responses are also excellent. This activity from others, the post likes and responses are what boost your viewership on social media. Facebook sees all the activity, so it assumes the post must be interesting, so the Facebook algorithm places your post on the feeds of hundreds of your other friends and followers.
Even though I was almost certain about the book topic I’d be writing, I still asked the open-ended question. This plants the seed of marketing within your social media circle, and they become curious about your new project. During that first post, I even got a few other ideas for potential future books!
Once I had announced that I was going to write a book on how to start a business, I frequently created other new posts asking questions to build more social media engagement. I asked what people would like to know about starting a business. That post got hundreds of responses, from so many people. Basically, I was indirectly asking them what the contents of my book would be, and made sure to capture the recurring responses. This helped me to make sure to include those hot topics within my book. You could almost say that the audience is who created my table of contents. I knew my book would be a winner, if I could just answer all their questions!
I also created a private Facebook group for those interested in the subject of business ownership, and invited my friends to participate in discussions within the group. This group also became a supportive group for the book project, and a place where I could share more information and ask more specific questions from those with experience in the subject.
I had a few ideas for the book title. I created a poll to ask which of the titles their favorite was. We had a lot of fun with that one. Some of the titles were purposely absurd, to toss in some humor. This builds engagement; people love to have fun with stuff like this. Being serious all the time is boring!
After completing each of the 10 chapters, I would share a couple paragraphs on my public feed, and within the group. This was to show them two things. 1) That I was indeed progressing on this project, and 2) To provide some “insider access” value to help others. My group picked up quite a few invited guests from current members, because of the business-related stuff I was sharing. That group is over 2,000 people now. I’m proud to have these amazing people in the group (365 Driven Entrepreneurs).
I wanted to involve my group with the book project, to share their own valuable experiences. So, I decided to do an analysis on gathered data from current and aspiring business owners. I did this by creating an online fill-in form webpage, with 6 simple questions. I asked the group to answer the questions, and provide an email address. There were 120 people that participated in answering the questionnaire. They became my core group of book supporters, since they were now involved with the content inside it. I shared the compiled results with the larger group, and we had excellent discussions around each question. The results of this analysis became Chapter 2 of my book.
I hired a third-party book service company to handle the content editing, Kindle and paperback format editing, and cover design. When we received artwork from the multiple cover designers, we shared them and had another poll with 16 choices presented. This was a HUGE hit! People loved talking about all the various designs. We also created a few bogus and silly covers in there, to build the humor aspect. This was all intended to help build engagement, and to have some fun at the same time.
I frequently shared updates, such as a photo of the completed manuscript printed out. I shared updates on when the editors were completed. I announced the book cover design selection. I announced when the launch week would occur, so that people were prepared for it. I posted a video of me receiving the very first copy of the paperback from Amazon. I basically wrote this book in front of everyone.
As you can see, there was over six months of marketing value poured into this book, before it even became available to the public. It was an exercise in public involvement. Keeping people involved and updated with the project created interest within them. They felt, and they were, part of the process. This book was always bigger than me, it was meant for them. Books should always be intended for the purpose of benefitting the reader, not about talking about the author. Not until you are famous enough to write an autobiography, perhaps. Books are not about you! Books solve a problem for them.
So, how did all of this marketing effort pay off? The book launched on Amazon on May 29, 2018 and sold over 1,000 copies in the first few days. It only took 9 hours to achieve #1 Best-Seller in the Business Marketing category. This is an astounding result, considering that only 1% of all books ever hit #1 in any category. The odds were certainly against me, being a self-published, unknown author. During that book launch week, I was doing live videos on Facebook and Instagram, three times per day! I did a video at 7am, noon, and 7pm each day. I was sharing the progress of the book, talking about the book, and fielding questions about the book. Those live videos were incredible marketing, as live videos have the most engagement and reach due to the algorithms on social media. You simply use what works, and live videos are the best tool available. How bad do you want it?
Now that the book is published, the marketing is the easy part. I’m a guest on a few podcasts per week. I’ve been on live radio. I’m consistently inquiring about speaking events to event organizers. I’m networking with media people. I’m starting a podcast around the subject, to add more value to readers, and to build a brand. I’m doing book-signing events. Perhaps I’ll do a book tour? All off this stuff is expected, any time you publish a book. I can tell you, it is a lot easier to get those invites when your book is already a best-seller. I didn’t have to do all of this post-published marketing in hopes of reaching best-seller. That is a much harder battle to overcome, which is why so few achieve it. Focus your marketing impact on the book launch week, if you want the best long-term results.
The marketing power of social media is incredible, as long as you understand how it works. If you have a story to tell, give yourself the best chance at it being discovered. Obscurity is the enemy of any author.
For more information on my book, please visit SidehustleBook.net
-Tony
Unlearn Your Childhood Mindset
We are programmed to fail from reaching our potential, as kids.
We are taught to stand in line, fit in with others, be like everyone else, play things safe, follow the rules... if we want to be accepted by others. If we want to avoid criticism.
Dress like your friends. Like what your friends like. Think like your friends. Act like them. Participate in the same things.
The herd mentality. Safety in numbers. Moooo! 🐄🐄🐄
Take a look at yourself today, as an adult. You likely still hold on to these same learned behaviors, and have never given them any thought. It isn't your fault, it is all that you know!
Your uniqueness is what makes you remarkable. Critics offer no remarks, if you blend in with the masses. Being brave enough to stand apart, is the very definition of "outstanding". Owning your vulnerability is a sign of courage. We admire those who are willing to put themselves out there for a good cause, yet we hide in fear about doing it ourselves. Why?
There is no reward for being average. If you don't have any critics, it simply means you aren't doing anything worth noticing. You are merely blending in, avoiding risk and living with the fear of rejection. Just like the masses.
All the famous and influential people we recognize, simply decided to step out of the norm. To show their uniqueness.
You may not be living up to your potential. Be outstanding. 👊
Tony Whatley, Best-Selling Author of Sidehustle Millionaire - visit sidehustlebook.net
Destructive Posting on Social Media
As a business owner, always be mindful of the things you type on social media. Before pressing that "submit" button, take a pause to reflect on your customer base. Ask yourself this: "Does this post help my business, or does it potentially harm my business?"
We've literally seen emotions and strong opinions grenade someone's business, before. Sometimes that explosion is something that you cannot recover from. We all have opinions, and sometimes the best option is to keep quiet. We've also seen business owners post things that may cause current and potential customers to reconsider doing business with them. How you choose to portray yourself on social media, is a direct reflection of how you wish to represent your brand.
It takes conscious effort, but if your business or brand is important to you, it is something that needs to be considered with each and every post you share. Be purposeful, think with business strategy in mind.
A Message To All Graduates
I still remember my graduation like it was yesterday. It was over 30 years ago. When my son just graduated recently, it brought those feelings rushing back.
I remember feeling glad that school was over. Those last few weeks were unproductive. I remember feeling like I must have accomplished something big, based on the emotions I saw on the faces of my family that day. I certainly wasn't used to all of that attention, but I rolled with it. I maintained a smile, when others had tears.
I remember feeling optimistic, yet scared about my future. I had some ideas for a career path, but nothing was solidified. It is difficult to feel certain, at age 18. There are so many unknowns, which would only come to unlock with experience.
I remember all the suggestions and advice received from others. It was a flood of ideas, of hope. Well-wishes. I remember feeling the anxiety of not wanting to let others down. I remember thinking to myself, "could I really do something great?"
I was saddened by silly thoughts, that I realized I'd never experience again. High-fives and hugs with friends in the hallways between class bells. The teachers that influenced me, or scolded me. Not seeing all my friends on a daily basis. We'd soon be scattered to the wind, to pursue our own paths. Many of those paths never cross, again.
If I could offer one piece of advice to you, something I wish I had known back then, it would be this. Dream! Dream bigger than merely aspiring for average. Believe in yourself, and never let anyone try to hold you back with their words. Set goals so high that they seem ridiculous, and make others doubt you. Do not settle, just because the majority do.
You may not have that confidence yet. Keep practicing. Confidence is purely a decision. It is simply a choice to be confident, it isn't something genetic. You may not have yourself figured out yet. That is okay, you have time. There is no rushing to discover your purpose in life. It will eventually come to you. It could be decades later. You are here for a reason. Never give up searching to find it.
In 5 years, you will not be the same person that you are today. In 25 years, you will not be the same person, either. Understand that we go through several phases of our lives. We get to constantly redefine who we are, and adapt to new things. This never ends. Always embrace positive change, and keep learning.
Most of all, be helpful to others. Always give more than you ask. Give a hand when you have nothing left. Teach others what you know. Strive to become better, every single day. Seek to positively impact the world, and all of its people. This will serve you so much in life, as the return is immeasurable.
Tony Whatley, Amazon #1 Best-Selling Author. (dreams can come true!)
Control Your Fears
In May of 2017, I decided to do something. That was when I officially began the journey of a very public transformation. I've had a large social media following for several years, as a result of starting a couple companies that grew into thousands of fans and customers. But, they only knew me as a car enthusiast, or an oil industry worker. Even though I've been consulting businesses and mentoring startups for over a decade, I was only doing this privately. I didn't have the confidence to inspire and educate people in a public manner. We all have the fears of rejection, and failure. I decided that I would overcome these fears, and step into this big social media spotlight.
It wasn't easy. It still isn't easy. I'm only about a year into this, at the time of this writing. I've learned many things during this past year. Not all of them have been good things. I've learned that some people that you considered friends for years, would not support your goals. Even those who you have always supported, with their dreams. They will laugh at you, talk behind your back, and make passive-aggressive comments to try to take you down a notch. I'd say this was the most disappointing part of the journey, so far. If anything, it has been a great eye-opener, and has exposed these people for who they really are. For that, I am actually grateful. I have a very strong and determined mindset, and it is very clear that I do not let these critics stop my progress. Obviously, they must have underestimated my drive and determination.
Conversely, there has been a positive aspect to this. An opposite realization, which carries far more weight than what naysayers bring. For every negative critic that showed up, there have been dozens of unexpected supporters that also appeared. People that I may have misjudged, who I never thought would support me. Those relationships have grown stronger, and it has highlighted the good people in my circles. The amount of positive emails, texts and messages I receive completely overwhelm me. It tells me I'm doing something right.
Getting back to the topic of fear. I knew I had stories and lessons to tell. I just knew that I wasn't brave enough to deliver them to my own acceptable standards. I had to get better at public speaking. Some people actually rank public speaking higher than the fear of death. There would be no way around this fear. I'd have to trudge right through the middle of it, if I ever hoped to achieve my goals. So, I took a deep breath, and called myself a few derogatory names, and signed up to attend a local club meeting with Toastmasters International in my area. For those of you that aren't familiar with Toastmasters, it is a non-profit worldwide organization that provides education and practice in public speaking and leadership. Chances are, there are a few clubs near you. You can search for them on their website, Toastmasters.org
In less than one year, I went from having zero experience in public speaking, to competing - and winning at public speaking contests. Had you asked me a year ago if I'd be competing at this, I'd have laughed at you as the cold sweats began to form just thinking about it. No way in hell could I see myself doing that, especially in a short amount of time. But here is the thing, I was simply determined. Like everything in my life, I set goals, and then deliver on them. I attended every single Monday night, only missing them on vacations or holidays. I found great mentors, and a room of positive, supportive people, who feel more like family now. We are all there on the same mission, for self-improvement. I recently earned my Competent Communicator certificate, having completed 10 prepared public speeches. Something to frame, and be proud of. Very few start and complete that journey. Most take several years to do so. There are no shortcuts.
I feel that anyone that joins, and participates within Toastmasters will be forever changed for the better. In one year, you will not be the same person that joined. I found so much value here, that I became a VP of this group. I plan to stick around and mentor others. I also have plenty of room to improve. Watching the weekly transformations and improvements of others in the group, is something astounding to witness.
Anyways, here is a contest speech that I delivered a week ago, on the subject of FEAR! I hope that the story captivates you, but more importantly, the message is heard. This is how I live my life, nowadays. If something makes me feel fear, I go after it and try to overcome that fear. Enjoy.