Two Types of Happiness
When I was a kid, my family couldn't afford much. Brand-label clothes for school? Not for me and my sister. My mom was good with a sewing machine, she actually made our clothes even into jr high. Nike shoes? Nope, we had some off-brand. Even though these clothes didn't have the logos on them, I was proud of what I had. It was the best we could afford.
I just wanted to fit in, to be like the other kids. When you come from less, you strive to be average. I felt I finally caught up to being average in high school, because I had a job at McDonalds through most of it, and could actually buy my own stuff by then. I had a car, played sports, and a girlfriend. I never really did things to make myself stand out, having worked so hard just to feel accepted within the crowd.
In my 20's, I struggled with college and finances. I'm pretty sure I was broke for at least 10 years. I knew the right path to take with my engineering degree, but that didn't make it easier. It was a slow, arduous process. I finally graduated, while working full-time to pay for it all myself. I did find time in between to gain more social confidence, largely from working in the restaurant industry on weekends.
In my 30's, I focused on my career, and building income. I was sick of my trajectory of becoming average. I spent many months per year working offshore, or away from home. The oil industry has a way of doing that to you. The lure of large paychecks can keep us on the ocean, or in remote areas of the world that most would deem undesirable. I started building companies in my spare time, teaching myself new skills that could also be monetized. I became very, very driven in my 30s. I began to dream bigger, to set crazier goals, and take more action. It worked. I've achieved far more already, than I ever thought would be possible.
Now in my 40's, I've had more time to reflect on things. I've had the fancy cars, big house, international travel lifestyle. Those are great goals to motivate you. But, I've also learned that these things never keep you happy. You always want more, you always want something new, something better. The buzz of happiness that you feel when you achieve something, or hit a financial goal is great - but it is short-lived. It might last a few days. Maybe a week. I've never had any buzz last longer than a month. Seriously. This isn't about being ungrateful, it is just admitting reality. These things are what I now consider a temporary dose of happiness. Nothing wrong with it, but trust me - you will find no end to that chase. It doesn't sustain.
What truly makes me happy, then? I enjoy helping other people achieve their own goals. I enjoy teaching others. I enjoy sharing the knowledge that I continuously come across, if it will help someone. I celebrate their accomplishments, as if they were my own. I enjoy being the connector of people, and someone that people ask advice from. This is what makes me the happiest. I've done this my entire life, but I always thought it would be the material things and personal goals that would bring me the most happiness. I'm finding that incorrect, in recent years.
By all means, certainly pursue those luxuries that make you happy. It is great to set goals throughout your life. It is wonderful to celebrate accomplishments, and reward yourself. Chase those without guilt or regret. Just be aware of the temporary happiness that they provide. Learn the distinction between these spikes of happiness, vs permanent sources of happiness. But do both.
Your happiness, and your life will not be measured by the material things you attain. It will be measured by the number of people that you positively touch. Always remember this.
Tony
A Message To All Graduates
I still remember my graduation like it was yesterday. It was over 30 years ago. When my son just graduated recently, it brought those feelings rushing back.
I remember feeling glad that school was over. Those last few weeks were unproductive. I remember feeling like I must have accomplished something big, based on the emotions I saw on the faces of my family that day. I certainly wasn't used to all of that attention, but I rolled with it. I maintained a smile, when others had tears.
I remember feeling optimistic, yet scared about my future. I had some ideas for a career path, but nothing was solidified. It is difficult to feel certain, at age 18. There are so many unknowns, which would only come to unlock with experience.
I remember all the suggestions and advice received from others. It was a flood of ideas, of hope. Well-wishes. I remember feeling the anxiety of not wanting to let others down. I remember thinking to myself, "could I really do something great?"
I was saddened by silly thoughts, that I realized I'd never experience again. High-fives and hugs with friends in the hallways between class bells. The teachers that influenced me, or scolded me. Not seeing all my friends on a daily basis. We'd soon be scattered to the wind, to pursue our own paths. Many of those paths never cross, again.
If I could offer one piece of advice to you, something I wish I had known back then, it would be this. Dream! Dream bigger than merely aspiring for average. Believe in yourself, and never let anyone try to hold you back with their words. Set goals so high that they seem ridiculous, and make others doubt you. Do not settle, just because the majority do.
You may not have that confidence yet. Keep practicing. Confidence is purely a decision. It is simply a choice to be confident, it isn't something genetic. You may not have yourself figured out yet. That is okay, you have time. There is no rushing to discover your purpose in life. It will eventually come to you. It could be decades later. You are here for a reason. Never give up searching to find it.
In 5 years, you will not be the same person that you are today. In 25 years, you will not be the same person, either. Understand that we go through several phases of our lives. We get to constantly redefine who we are, and adapt to new things. This never ends. Always embrace positive change, and keep learning.
Most of all, be helpful to others. Always give more than you ask. Give a hand when you have nothing left. Teach others what you know. Strive to become better, every single day. Seek to positively impact the world, and all of its people. This will serve you so much in life, as the return is immeasurable.
Tony Whatley, Amazon #1 Best-Selling Author. (dreams can come true!)