The Real Value of Time
This has been a week of losses, but I want to inspire you. 🧡
Earlier this week, an old friend passed away. Rest in peace Amber.
Yesterday I attended a meetup with a few business owners, and we started the meeting with a visual gratitude exercise.
The image you see consists of 80 squares, which is our average lifespan. We marked through the squares equal to our age, to get a visual of what's remaining. Powerful.
Here's the thing; Had I done this visual exercise 10 years ago, I would have felt more anxiety and fear. Even though I had more squares remaining than today, I knew at 40 that I was just comfortable in life and I was settling for less than my potential.
Back then, I was only impacting those within my proximity. My family, friends, my employer, co-workers, team members. While this is good, I knew the potential to positively impact thousands existed... and I wasn't making an effort to do it.
It wasn't because I was lazy. It was because I feared the pursuit of something that may not ever happen. If I failed, what would others say or think about me? Why should I step out of comfort to do more impactful things?
Yesterday I marked through those squares, understanding I have fewer remaining. I felt no anxiety or fear. Absolutely zero. It's because I'm pursuing my purpose and potential, and have positively impacted thousands of strangers. I'm doing the work to expand my proximity beyond what I can see or touch.
After I got home from the meeting, my dad called me. I knew something was wrong, because he never calls me at that time. He told me his brother died. Rest in peace, Uncle Jim.
I mourn these losses, but at the same time I'm inspired by them. Each loss is a reminder that time becomes more and more valuable, and it continuously counts down to zero.
I want you to consider your remaining squares. If you feel anxiety or fear about them... you still have time to make some changes. It's time to stop settling for less. It's time to step out of complacency and challenge yourself, again.
This is what people you've lost would have wanted for you.
-Tony
Become More Courageous
As a child, I wanted to become three things; Race car driver, fighter pilot, or stuntman 🤩
I've always had the daredevil personality, enjoying activities that most people prefer to avoid.
That being said, I wouldn't ever label myself as an "adrenaline junkie". That's because I don't do these things to increase my heart rate. In fact, I'm relatively calm in high stress, fearful situations.
Why am I calm? It's because I've prepared. I've calculated the risks. I've practiced and done hundreds of reps. I've failed extensively and kept trying again.
I've also learned to control my emotions because I understand mental clarity is required when successfully executing stressful situations. When distracted by emotions, you'll make costly errors.
So, how do you become more courageous and learn more emotional control? Here are some tips:
1) Memento Mori. This is Latin for "Remember you must die." Accept this as fact. You can live your entire life fearing death, but you will never escape the outcome. We all die. If you're always playing safe, I'd say you haven't lived. Take more chances.
2) Self-Awareness. Don't blame your temper on your parents. You control your actions and your words, not them. When things trigger you emotionally, learn to pause before you respond. Emotionally weak people react, wise self-aware people respond. Practice this every day, in common situations... such as road-rage situations.
3) Challenge yourself by doing difficult things. A good example is public speaking, it's ranked 2nd among all fears... right after the fear of dying. Public speaking won't kill you. Everyone can do this, it just takes investing in skills and doing the reps. Hire a coach, join Toastmasters, face your fears. Your confidence will increase each time you overcome a fear.
4) Stop giving up and quitting too soon, or pivoting too often. This is unfortunately a common habit. If you set goals, become relentless and keep pushing to improve. Many of my successes have come as a result of simply outlasting others. Think in terms of 5-10 years, not months. Your confidence takes a dive every time you quit, every time you pivot. Avoid that!
Hope this message helps. 🧡
Most Don't Know This About Speaking Events
You probably don't know this about speaking events😮
Before I became a speaker, I wasn't aware of the different types of business models that events use, to create profit.
I also wasn't aware of how many different ways a speaker can earn income from events. I also didn't understand the different ways that speakers end up on a stage.
Most people assume the traditional business model. Sell a bunch of tickets, exceeding the cost of the venue rental and support, and pay the speaker fees. Mix in a few corporate sponsors, and profit is made. Usually no pitching or selling from stage. This is the "paid speaker" path, which I prefer.
Next up, there is the pitch-fest type events. This is when an event host invites speakers who have a high-dollar offer to sell on stage, and they agree to share a percentage of the sales with the host. Sometimes the speakers are there for free because of the potential sales, sometimes they even pay to get on that stage to pitch. This is the "pay to play speaker" path.
Now for the one you may not know about; The false influence events. These are events where the host pays a few recognizable names to speak, and then inserts relatively unknown speakers in between the main names. These unknown speakers pay $2K-30K each to get on that stage. That money pays for the celebrity speakers, and covers the cost of the event. The lure is hopeful recognition, having the ability to say you "shared a stage with (star)". It's clever marketing.
Then you have the recruitment events. These are often disguised as large events with hundreds of attendees, with dozens of speakers that you've never heard of. In most cases, those speakers are members of a group, and the event is hosted by the group leader. They created the event to give members stage time, but they also pitch membership and usually do the "buy a ticket and bring a friend free" offer. That free guest is hopefully the next recruited.
There are a several variations of these events. I hope this post raises your awareness, and saves you some time and money. As a hopeful speaker, you'll also understand the game better.
-Tony
Stop Playing In The Middle. Be Bold!
Everyone has bold thoughts and opinions, but most fear sharing them with others. 😧
There are reasons to fear personal expression; Risk of losing your job or opportunities, dissolving relationships, backlash or retaliation among other things.
I understand this. I lived my first 35 or so years in fear of putting my thoughts out there. I started taking small steps towards courage. I kept escalating from there, year by year.
So what changed? Here's what I've discovered and became aware of along the way.
I realized that while we are attracted to the overall message of unity, peace, and pacifism, it is only because it describes an impossible human utopia and is simply idealistic in beliefs. It's impossible to achieve by the historical evidence of human nature.
That's when I began studying historic leaders, and others who took action to change the world.
None of these people played "middle of the road" with their message. None of these people were trying to be mass people-pleasers. None of these people aspired to be average and blend in. None of these people suggested others remain silent.
These people chose to share their bold thoughts with the world, and most faced extreme adversity in doing so. Most were reluctant, but still found the courage to do so.
I see so many people that aspire to be thought leaders, but their predictably passive and people-pleasing message is what keeps them from growing an audience and leading anyone.
I also became more aware of time. The truth is that we don't have as much of it as people seem to believe. Striving for idealist and impossible goals is a waste of time.
You don't exist to make everyone happy. Even the most recognizable martyrs and historic figures couldn't achieve that. You will push people away with your bold thoughts, but you'll also attract far more by being bold. Note, there is a difference between being antagonistic and being bold.
Honestly, I have more respect for bold leaders that I may disagree with, than people who play warm-fuzzy middle of the road neutral.
So what's the path for you? I suggest you identify the sources of fear that keep you silent, and begin to eliminate those risks. Build your financial independence. Become a more effective communicator. It's often not what you say, but how you say it. These are skills to master.
It's time for you to become more bold. You won't truly experience personal freedom until you can become your true self.
Aspiring Influencers, Speakers, Coaches... Here's the Truth
Aspiring influencers, coaches, and speakers want the results but not the truth😮
It's easy to become distracted by looking at the financial and lifestyle success of those who've built authority, recognition and fame.
You'll observe their appearance, their communication skills, their branding, and their content style. You'll compare yourself and maybe even believe you could do the same, or better.
Watching these influential people, they seem to make everything look so effortless and easy. You wonder why you are working so hard, when you could just do what they are doing.
They'll announce six-figure and seven-figure course launches. Wow! They sold over a million in one weekend? Amazing!
They'll receive six-figure book deals from publishers, on a book that hasn't even been written yet, based on their name.
You'll see them on big stages, alongside big names. They appear on hundreds of podcasts, TV, and in the press and media.
Now for the truth.
Putting aside the frauds that are faking it, there are legitimately successful people in the influencer, speaker, and coaching space. Let's focus on the real deal people for a moment.
Speaking from experience, I've earned six-figures in a week on course launches. I stand on some big stages with big names. I've been on hundreds of podcast interviews, TV, magazines, and even appear in a couple films.
These results are entirely possible. Some of you have even purchased those 997 buck courses from influencers who've had legitimate results, with the roadmap they literally used.
You'll spend thousands on a fancy website or landing pages. You'll invest in all the automations and CRM software. You'll hire a brand strategist, a speaking coach, a video editor.
Some of you are are fortunate to have a sizable financial advantage to hopefully accelerate results.
But you don't get the results that the big names are getting.☹️
Why?
It's because those results you desire won't happen until you've built the audience, the huge email list, the subscribers, the community, the relationships, or the authentic followers.
You're missing the people. Doing this the right way takes YEARS not months. That's the truth people don't want to hear.
It's not easy to build the people. It requires dedicated effort daily, constantly providing value and support of others. It requires building your personal brand and coaching business full-time, just like any other job. If you treat this like a hobby, you should only expect hobby results.
PS: Those with a lot of money are often the first ones to quit at building this. They incorrectly assume their financial wealth can buy faster results. They feel entitled that they can skip the line. Money can buy all the fancy media and digital assets, but it can't buy the people.
It's like going to the gym, results take years. No amount of money can allow you to skip the workout to get the results.
That's the hard truth. 🧡
How To Know If You're In a Business Cult
How to know if you're in a business cult 😮
1. The leader is charismatic and attracts attention. Usually has a level of intrigue or mystery about themselves. Can be unpredictable at times. They'll sometimes label themselves as prophets or that they have almost God-like characteristics or skills.
2. The leader knows how to grow an audience of followers. They understand that it's easier to get people to join when they are in a financial struggle or they feel lonely.
3. There is a defined business model that generates huge profits for the leader, and some of the Lieutenants that report directly to him or her. There are usually defined levels within the membership, starting from a low-priced base, a midrange level, and a top level. Each of these levels seems more prestigious than the level below it, and serve to make members aspire to level up (thus, spend more)
4. The psychology of "Us vs Them" is deployed heavily within the organization. The leader teaches the members to distrust anyone outside of the group. The leader makes the members feel they are part of an elite private club, and that they are better than other people outside of the club. Think about how odd this is, especially if you understand most in the group are struggling or lonely, not actually "elite".
5. The leader introduces "insider speak" within the community. These are trite little phrases or sayings that are often repeated by the leader, and show up in the external words and writings of the members. This insider speak is a way of signaling to other group members that you're in the club. It's the "IYKYK" handshake.
6. Members are manipulated to remain in the club through gained notoriety and acknowledgment within the club. They are led to believe they are better members if they contribute more money and time to the group. They are made to believe they are part of something much bigger than themselves, and that it's unsafe to leave the group. People fear the potential backlash of leaving, so they remain.
7. The leader accepts no criticism, and dissent is punished publicly. Naysayers or skeptics are removed immediately, by shunning or banning them. Those who remain in the group are encouraged to no longer associate or support former members. On social media, they'll block or unfriend you. A former member's stellar reputation may experience a smear campaign, especially if they are a whistle-blower.
8. Each cult has regular gatherings and ceremonies. These are opportunities to publicly praise the best members, encourage more donations or leveling-up ranks by investing more, and to allow the members to visually see they aren't alone. Expect "insider speak" in most member conversations, especially from the leader on stage.
9. The leader eventually earns enough to invest in real estate, a formal gathering place or compound. A place where they can teach others to enroll more members, have private gatherings, and indoctrinate their beliefs into members and staff.
There are other tactics being used, but these are the main ones to identify. If you've found value in this article, share it with others.
-Tony
Unspoken Truth About Building Personal Brands
Building a recognized personal brand takes years, but so many expect results in only months.
Just because others make it look easy, or the fact that you could likely produce similar quality content, doesn't mean you get to skip the time factor.
Your first goal should be to become someone of value worth listening to. Demonstrate your expertise and proven results in something. Answer the question of "Why?" an audience should pay attention.
There are too many that just want to claim they are the best, but have nothing to show for it. The real experts create proven results first, then speak about them long afterwards.
Just understand that you are playing the lifetime game, and be committed to creating content, while at the same time being patient with getting results.
Years, not months!
You can certainly shorten the time for gaining your tactical education, by hiring a coach or an agency. Knowledge related to messaging, positioning, copywriting, content creation, formats and editing. Social media skills, etc...
But, having the knowledge of tactics doesn't mean you'll get to skip the years of putting yourself out there, doing the work. Plenty of people know *what* to do, but aren't doing it. Most give up too soon.
Years, not months!
Everyone starts with zero audience, and zero followers. Don't be hard on yourself if you're just beginning.
It's better to become the right person with the right message, instead of the right message coming from the wrong person.
Years, not months.
-Tony
Reinvention & Professional Titles
Here's some advice on professional titles and their marketing value.
Yesterday I was speaking to a group of coaches and a few of them were just starting out their coaching careers.
They were getting too hung up on trying to be creative with their job titles. I can relate, as I did the same back in 2016.
Rather than using "Business Coach", which I thought sounded too boring or basic, I was thinking of using "Business Strategist" or "Entrepreneurship Mentor" or other fancy combinations of words.
This was ego speaking. I wanted an elevated sounding job title, just like we seek in corporate settings. I didn't want to be lumped in with a sea of average business coaches.
The huge problem with trying to be clever with professional titles, is that you miss out on all the search engine results you'd receive by using a title that people actually search for.
Hardly anybody is searching Google for "Entrepreneurship Mentor" or "Business Strategist", no matter how cool that sounds to you.
They are seeking a Business Coach, or an Executive Coach. Possibly even a High Performance Coach. Use titles people actively search for, and chances are you'll get more opportunities for clients finding you.
One of the newer coaches yesterday was struggling with using "Life Coach" because she sees so many frauds in the space, with little actual life experience, and certainly no education or credentials to back up the profession.
She had a masters degree in psychology and also worked as a therapist for several years. She had all sorts of credentials and certifications.
I explained the same ego situation I went through, to bring her clarity.
A generic title doesn't make you a generic coach. Your potential clients will seek out the qualifications and proof from each of the coaches they evaluate to work with, or at least they should.
Use the title that will benefit you with being discovered, not the one that serves your ego or competitiveness. Your results will stand out, if you have them. That's what will separate you from the others.
On another topic; If you truly want to reinvent yourself, you must also have the courage to shed the following:
- Your identity built on previous careers that no longer serve your future.
- The acronyms like "MBA, CPA, PMP" etc. that no longer describe where you're headed (people use these for ego and validation btw)
- Still defining yourself within previous industries that no longer serve you.
- Societal beliefs and actions that limit you from your future.
The courageous ones will get this, they've already moved to the other side of this. The others will wonder if they could do it. The scared will feel defensive about this subject.
-Tony
Lean Into The Challenge
Prior to 2017, I had zero intentions of ever becoming a speaker.
In fact, even when I started public speaking lessons with Toastmasters that year, I was just preparing myself just in case I was interviewed following the release of the book I was writing.
While I was writing Side Hustle Millionaire in 2017, it was with the idea that I could extract my knowledge and put it out there, to potentially help business owners.
I thought I could achieve that without being on any cameras, microphones, or spotlights. There are numerous impactful authors that you wouldn't recognize if you saw them.
As I continued to write chapters of the book, I was sending them to my Editor, Mike Fallat to review. About midway through the book, he mentioned something that I didn't necessarily want to admit.
"Tony, this is turning out to be a great book! It will likely be a best-seller from what I've seen, and people might want to interview you or have you speak."
That thing I knew I was avoiding; Putting myself out there, came back around and punched me in the face. The entire reason for writing a book was to avoid that level of discomfort.
Like most, I wanted to avoid judgment, potential criticism, societal labels, and stepping into the unknown. My own insecurities and fears were easily concealed with typical excuses.
"I don't need to put myself out there, I'm already successful. I have a family and businesses to run, so I'm too busy already. I enjoy my private life."
All of these were excuses. I knew I had a greater purpose, and I was hoping that book was enough. But I was honest with myself and knew I had to become the right person to carry that book and be willing to fight for the message to reach far more people.
Sure, the book itself may have impacted thousands on its own. But I was leaving a much bigger potential impact on the table, by not being willing to do what it takes.
I leaned into learning the skill (not talent) of public speaking. I worked with a coach, used social media videos to practice reps, and eventually I was winning Toastmasters competitions and standing on some very large stages. I learned to love the challenge, and the newfound skill.
Here's the message for you. I have no doubt that there are some amazing skills still locked up inside you. You admire others creating real impact and showing courage, while you avoid the opportunities for yourself.
It's not easy. It never is. There will be sacrifices. But tell me this, what comes easily that is worth having? Nothing.
-Tony
Personal Development Progression
