An Average Childhood
I had an average childhood. I grew up in a small home, on a small street, in a small suburb town near Houston. Japanese immigrant mom, US Marine Vietnam veteran dad.
I was average at sports but had above average grades for being in sports. I've always enjoyed learning things, applying what I learned, and being tested.
I had a neighborhood bully in grade school that would torment me and call me all sorts of Asian race-related words, and would sometimes beat me up or push me off my bike while I was riding past his house. I didn't retaliate until 7th grade. Then he left me alone.
There were numerous cute girls I had crushes on, who wouldn't give me the time of day. I was shy around them. I recall the sting of asking them to school dances and being turned down. I don't regret asking, however.
I was never voted "Most likely to succeed." Hell, I was never voted for anything. I sort of just blended in. I was likeable, and got along with nearly everyone. I just never considered myself "popular" like some of the others who always garnered attention and adoration.
Not much of my childhood applies to my current life, but there are still a few things I can look back on that remain unchanged.
I've always had discipline, determination, and patience to learn new skills and pursue mastery in the the subjects and activities I love. In my life, this has applied to skateboarding, billiards, art, photography, racing cars, writing, leadership, engineering, money, business, relationships. I've never put in half effort when it comes to things I enjoy.
I've always been curious and inquisitive. I ask questions from those who know more than I do. I study videos, read endless books, join coaching groups, hire mentors. I do crazy amounts of research in subjects that interest me. I question everything, especially subjects where I'm being told what to do. I hate being told what to do.
I've always been an adrenaline addict. I used to want to be a stuntman, fighter pilot, or race car driver. I enjoyed martial arts, full-contact sports, BMX, skateboarding, roller hockey, wrestling, bar fights, racing over 200 mph. I've always had a desire for living on the edge, or way past the edge. I've learned to control my violent side, but it's still inside me. I love taking risks.
Here's the thing; You can lead an average life, or you can do things that inspire you, challenge you, and force yourself to evolve and improve. It's your choice. Just because you may have had an average childhood, an average adulthood up until now, it doesn't mean you have to continue on that same, predictable path.
Do something. This isn't a practice life. That timer isn't going to pause for you. Live at wide open throttle. 🤩
-Tony
We Simply Outgrow Some People
We simply outgrow some people 😲
Those of us who choose a lifelong journey of self-improvement and creating impact, will be met with this realization.
In our quest for more knowledge, fitness, and success, we will meet thousands of people who don't understand us.
They may be nice people, but their subconscious programming will prohibit them from understanding your growth perspective.
These people are those who have become complacent within their own lives. Living on repeat for decades. Stuck in a dull routine. Going through the motions. They are the same people they were a year ago, maybe even a decade ago.
Many of these people reached some level of comfortable financial status that they never dreamed possible for themselves. So, they figure they've "made it" and they no longer take on challenge.
The hard truth is that most people like this cannot stand to see others continually climb. Even if they throw you the occasional golf-clap or post like.
It isn't you that they dislike. It is themselves. They know they are falling short in at least one major area of their own lives, whether that is financial, fitness, mindset, relationships, education, or world experiences.
When they see you growing, improving, and doing what you say you will do, it makes them resent you through their fake smiles.
Your bright light gets brighter. That same light starts to illuminate the insecurities within them, which they prefer to keep in the dark. It is easier to criticize or ridicule you, in hopes of bringing you down, so they don't have to grow along with you.
The passive-aggressive comments start to appear:
"Must be nice."
"That's easy for you to say."
"I wish I was that lucky."
"You are too old to dress like that."
Those with low self-worth will label you with words such as "narcissist" or "snob". They will namedrop around you. They will one-up your stories, or humble-brag about their possessions.
The jealous will always challenge you, even if they agree with you. They seek your attention, but do so negatively in hopes to create a higher status for themselves, at your expense.
The lazy will make fun of your gym check-in posts.
The uneducated will smirk about the books you read, or the education courses you signed up for.
The obscure and unknown will roll their eyes any time you get public attention.
The miserable and unhappy will do whatever they can to bring down your level of joy.
Be aware of these things.
Be grateful when someone shows you who they truly are.
Keep climbing. There are always better and more supportive people to be found along your journey.
-Tony
$154 Million & Why It Bothers You
$154 Million & Why it Bothers You.😡
It's Monday morning, and people are preparing for another day at work. For just about everyone else in this world, that means going to a job that pays much, much less than the deal LeBron James just signed with the Lakers. $154MM over 4 years.
So, the Facebook feed is buzzing with this discussion, with the vast majority of people trying to tell us LeBron isn't worth it. That nobody is worth that.
Why does it eat people up to see other people earning so much more than they could even dream about? More than people will earn over an entire lifetime. They know how hard they have to work, just to have a tiny fraction of the dollar amount that just showed up for James.
It is the scarcity mindset that makes people think this way. The same thing that makes people think that if someone else gains more success, then somehow they lose some piece of potential success for themselves. They want to compare their own situation with these superstars, rather than understand that there is no relationship.
They want to talk about how some more important occupations are so severely underpaid, and how this isn't fair. LeBron could have chosen to become a fireman. A teacher. Life certainly isn't fair, but not everyone makes the best choices to arrive at some mega-salary that was within their own potential. LeBron simply did.
Here is the hard truth about this subject. The market determines your worth. These are business transactions, not favoritism or "being fair". The company, the LA Lakers in this case, has determined what they feel they will earn from having James on their team. They wanted the best player in the NBA, because they obviously feel he will bring them much, much more profit than what his paycheck costs them. It really is this simple. It is no different than what your current company values you at, and what the industry determines you are worth. Your current job, or the business you own, all have prices set on supply vs demand.
I'll never speak negatively on what someone has carved out for themselves, what they have earned. The market determines that. I applaud anyone that pursues their potential. There is plenty of success to go around, where I don't have to be concerned with the success of others. I want each of you to earn up to your potential, and I'll be happy to see you succeed.
So, you don't have to like LeBron James. You don't even have to respect him. But, you shouldn't hold onto that scarcity mindset. It will never serve you well, in life. Go get yours!
Two Types of Happiness
When I was a kid, my family couldn't afford much. Brand-label clothes for school? Not for me and my sister. My mom was good with a sewing machine, she actually made our clothes even into jr high. Nike shoes? Nope, we had some off-brand. Even though these clothes didn't have the logos on them, I was proud of what I had. It was the best we could afford.
I just wanted to fit in, to be like the other kids. When you come from less, you strive to be average. I felt I finally caught up to being average in high school, because I had a job at McDonalds through most of it, and could actually buy my own stuff by then. I had a car, played sports, and a girlfriend. I never really did things to make myself stand out, having worked so hard just to feel accepted within the crowd.
In my 20's, I struggled with college and finances. I'm pretty sure I was broke for at least 10 years. I knew the right path to take with my engineering degree, but that didn't make it easier. It was a slow, arduous process. I finally graduated, while working full-time to pay for it all myself. I did find time in between to gain more social confidence, largely from working in the restaurant industry on weekends.
In my 30's, I focused on my career, and building income. I was sick of my trajectory of becoming average. I spent many months per year working offshore, or away from home. The oil industry has a way of doing that to you. The lure of large paychecks can keep us on the ocean, or in remote areas of the world that most would deem undesirable. I started building companies in my spare time, teaching myself new skills that could also be monetized. I became very, very driven in my 30s. I began to dream bigger, to set crazier goals, and take more action. It worked. I've achieved far more already, than I ever thought would be possible.
Now in my 40's, I've had more time to reflect on things. I've had the fancy cars, big house, international travel lifestyle. Those are great goals to motivate you. But, I've also learned that these things never keep you happy. You always want more, you always want something new, something better. The buzz of happiness that you feel when you achieve something, or hit a financial goal is great - but it is short-lived. It might last a few days. Maybe a week. I've never had any buzz last longer than a month. Seriously. This isn't about being ungrateful, it is just admitting reality. These things are what I now consider a temporary dose of happiness. Nothing wrong with it, but trust me - you will find no end to that chase. It doesn't sustain.
What truly makes me happy, then? I enjoy helping other people achieve their own goals. I enjoy teaching others. I enjoy sharing the knowledge that I continuously come across, if it will help someone. I celebrate their accomplishments, as if they were my own. I enjoy being the connector of people, and someone that people ask advice from. This is what makes me the happiest. I've done this my entire life, but I always thought it would be the material things and personal goals that would bring me the most happiness. I'm finding that incorrect, in recent years.
By all means, certainly pursue those luxuries that make you happy. It is great to set goals throughout your life. It is wonderful to celebrate accomplishments, and reward yourself. Chase those without guilt or regret. Just be aware of the temporary happiness that they provide. Learn the distinction between these spikes of happiness, vs permanent sources of happiness. But do both.
Your happiness, and your life will not be measured by the material things you attain. It will be measured by the number of people that you positively touch. Always remember this.
Tony
A Message To All Graduates
I still remember my graduation like it was yesterday. It was over 30 years ago. When my son just graduated recently, it brought those feelings rushing back.
I remember feeling glad that school was over. Those last few weeks were unproductive. I remember feeling like I must have accomplished something big, based on the emotions I saw on the faces of my family that day. I certainly wasn't used to all of that attention, but I rolled with it. I maintained a smile, when others had tears.
I remember feeling optimistic, yet scared about my future. I had some ideas for a career path, but nothing was solidified. It is difficult to feel certain, at age 18. There are so many unknowns, which would only come to unlock with experience.
I remember all the suggestions and advice received from others. It was a flood of ideas, of hope. Well-wishes. I remember feeling the anxiety of not wanting to let others down. I remember thinking to myself, "could I really do something great?"
I was saddened by silly thoughts, that I realized I'd never experience again. High-fives and hugs with friends in the hallways between class bells. The teachers that influenced me, or scolded me. Not seeing all my friends on a daily basis. We'd soon be scattered to the wind, to pursue our own paths. Many of those paths never cross, again.
If I could offer one piece of advice to you, something I wish I had known back then, it would be this. Dream! Dream bigger than merely aspiring for average. Believe in yourself, and never let anyone try to hold you back with their words. Set goals so high that they seem ridiculous, and make others doubt you. Do not settle, just because the majority do.
You may not have that confidence yet. Keep practicing. Confidence is purely a decision. It is simply a choice to be confident, it isn't something genetic. You may not have yourself figured out yet. That is okay, you have time. There is no rushing to discover your purpose in life. It will eventually come to you. It could be decades later. You are here for a reason. Never give up searching to find it.
In 5 years, you will not be the same person that you are today. In 25 years, you will not be the same person, either. Understand that we go through several phases of our lives. We get to constantly redefine who we are, and adapt to new things. This never ends. Always embrace positive change, and keep learning.
Most of all, be helpful to others. Always give more than you ask. Give a hand when you have nothing left. Teach others what you know. Strive to become better, every single day. Seek to positively impact the world, and all of its people. This will serve you so much in life, as the return is immeasurable.
Tony Whatley, Amazon #1 Best-Selling Author. (dreams can come true!)