Personal Development Can Harm Relationships
Your personal development journey will likely push some good people away.😮
This is a difficult truth which rarely gets discussed.
This happens in all aspects of the pursuit of a better you, whether it involves improving your financials, fitness, spirituality, and ironically; your relationships.
You'll lose people that you've considered close friends, maybe even vacationed with them or watched each other's kids grow up. People you've known decades. People you've shown nothing but respect and support towards.
At times, you'll feel confused by these changes, and wonder if you did something wrong to create the current situation. What caused the distance between you?
You begin to search for past evidence of yourself, to see if you did anything unethical or negative, but you don't find anything.
Over that time period, you've become a better person. Your income has increased. Your fitness levels have improved. Your mindset has become stronger and more confident. You've built stronger relationships. You've created more social impact or community influence.
And those are the reasons that some have chosen to move out of your circle. You've indirectly made them feel uncomfortable about themselves, or upset by watching you improve.
Many people will show support while they still sense that you're at the same level or range as them. They are comfortable, and you're predictable. There aren't any disruptions if everyone is in the same comfortable range as each other.
Most never pursue their dreams or ideal self. Sure, they'd love to be in better shape, have better relationships, a more desirable career, have more money, influence or power. They'll send pics of dream homes and cars to each other, knowing that neither will pursue those goals.
Think about how disappointing it must feel to these people, to watch one of their friends actually go all-in and pursue something bigger for themselves.
They've made a lifetime of excuses that they'll relabel as "reasons" to why they can't do something. "Timing isn't right. Don't have the time. Might do it next year. Can't afford it."
But here you are, actually doing it. Showing them that it isn't easy. Demonstrating that you're relentless and driven. Sharing your wins and winning streaks. Watching your trajectory climb in each area of personal goals.
Now they'll sense you've changed levels. They'll pretend you left the circle. They'll say "You've changed" without acknowledging you've actually improved, not just changed.
If they choose to look back to when you were close, they'll find evidence that you always encouraged them. Always supported them. Always loved them. You invited them to come on the same journeys with you, but they declined.
Keep doing what you're doing. If your intentions and morality are positive, and you're doing things for the right reasons, that's all that matters. You'll continue to lose people along the way, but you'll meet new people on the journey.
-Tony
Aspiring Influencers, Speakers, Coaches... Here's the Truth
Aspiring influencers, coaches, and speakers want the results but not the truth😮
It's easy to become distracted by looking at the financial and lifestyle success of those who've built authority, recognition and fame.
You'll observe their appearance, their communication skills, their branding, and their content style. You'll compare yourself and maybe even believe you could do the same, or better.
Watching these influential people, they seem to make everything look so effortless and easy. You wonder why you are working so hard, when you could just do what they are doing.
They'll announce six-figure and seven-figure course launches. Wow! They sold over a million in one weekend? Amazing!
They'll receive six-figure book deals from publishers, on a book that hasn't even been written yet, based on their name.
You'll see them on big stages, alongside big names. They appear on hundreds of podcasts, TV, and in the press and media.
Now for the truth.
Putting aside the frauds that are faking it, there are legitimately successful people in the influencer, speaker, and coaching space. Let's focus on the real deal people for a moment.
Speaking from experience, I've earned six-figures in a week on course launches. I stand on some big stages with big names. I've been on hundreds of podcast interviews, TV, magazines, and even appear in a couple films.
These results are entirely possible. Some of you have even purchased those 997 buck courses from influencers who've had legitimate results, with the roadmap they literally used.
You'll spend thousands on a fancy website or landing pages. You'll invest in all the automations and CRM software. You'll hire a brand strategist, a speaking coach, a video editor.
Some of you are are fortunate to have a sizable financial advantage to hopefully accelerate results.
But you don't get the results that the big names are getting.☹️
Why?
It's because those results you desire won't happen until you've built the audience, the huge email list, the subscribers, the community, the relationships, or the authentic followers.
You're missing the people. Doing this the right way takes YEARS not months. That's the truth people don't want to hear.
It's not easy to build the people. It requires dedicated effort daily, constantly providing value and support of others. It requires building your personal brand and coaching business full-time, just like any other job. If you treat this like a hobby, you should only expect hobby results.
PS: Those with a lot of money are often the first ones to quit at building this. They incorrectly assume their financial wealth can buy faster results. They feel entitled that they can skip the line. Money can buy all the fancy media and digital assets, but it can't buy the people.
It's like going to the gym, results take years. No amount of money can allow you to skip the workout to get the results.
That's the hard truth. 🧡
Business Cults & Integrity in Personal Development - Tony Whatley - EP 365
In this episode, Tony Whatley speaks about business cults and the lack of integrity in the personal development industry. Topics covered include:
- Alpha Male Bootcamps
- Women’s Health & Wellness cults
- Sales Training groups (especially car sales backgrounds)
- Flex and Flash gurus (selling the hope of lifestyle)
- Fitness gurus on steroids
- Business Cults
- Machiavellian tactics
Cult Leadership Tactics. Here are the 10 common identifiers usually found within a cult.
1. The leader is charismatic and attracts attention. Usually has a level of intrigue or mystery about themselves. Can be unpredictable at times. They'll sometimes label themselves as prophets or that they have almost God-like characteristics or skills.
2. The leader knows how to grow an audience of followers. They understand that it's easier to get people to join when they are in a financial struggle or they feel lonely.
3. There is a defined business model that generates huge profits for the leader, and some of the Lieutenants that report directly to him or her. There are usually defined levels within the membership, starting from a low-priced base, a midrange level, and a top level. Each of these levels seems more prestigious than the level below it, and serve to make members aspire to level up (thus, spend more)
4. The psychology of "Us vs Them" is deployed heavily within the organization. The leader teaches the members to distrust anyone outside of the group. The leader makes the members feel they are part of an elite private club, and that they are better than other people outside of the club. Think about how odd this is, especially if you understand most in the group are struggling or lonely, not actually "elite".
5. The leader introduces "insider speak" within the community. These are trite little phrases or sayings that are often repeated by the leader, and show up in the external words and writings of the members. This insider speak is a way of signaling to other group members that you're in the club. It's the "IYKYK" handshake.
6. Members are manipulated to remain in the club through gained notoriety and acknowledgment within the club. They are led to believe they are better members if they contribute more money and time to the group. They are made to believe they are part of something much bigger than themselves, and that it's unsafe to leave the group. People fear the potential backlash of leaving, so they remain.
7. The leader accepts no criticism, and dissent is punished publicly. Naysayers or skeptics are removed immediately, by shunning or banning them. Those who remain in the group are encouraged to no longer associate or support former members. On social media, they'll block or unfriend you. A former member's stellar reputation may experience a smear campaign, especially if they are a whistle-blower.
8. Each cult has regular gatherings and ceremonies. These are opportunities to publicly praise the best members, encourage more donations or leveling-up ranks by investing more, and to allow the members to visually see they aren't alone. Expect "insider speak" in most member conversations, especially from the leader on stage.
9. The leader eventually earns enough to invest in real estate, a formal gathering place or compound. A place where they can teach others to enroll more members, have private gatherings, and indoctrinate their beliefs into members and staff.
10. The leader would never dare to reveal these tactics above to their members, as they profit from the low awareness of others.
Comments or feedback? Find Tony on Instagram @365driven
How To Know If You're In a Business Cult
How to know if you're in a business cult 😮
1. The leader is charismatic and attracts attention. Usually has a level of intrigue or mystery about themselves. Can be unpredictable at times. They'll sometimes label themselves as prophets or that they have almost God-like characteristics or skills.
2. The leader knows how to grow an audience of followers. They understand that it's easier to get people to join when they are in a financial struggle or they feel lonely.
3. There is a defined business model that generates huge profits for the leader, and some of the Lieutenants that report directly to him or her. There are usually defined levels within the membership, starting from a low-priced base, a midrange level, and a top level. Each of these levels seems more prestigious than the level below it, and serve to make members aspire to level up (thus, spend more)
4. The psychology of "Us vs Them" is deployed heavily within the organization. The leader teaches the members to distrust anyone outside of the group. The leader makes the members feel they are part of an elite private club, and that they are better than other people outside of the club. Think about how odd this is, especially if you understand most in the group are struggling or lonely, not actually "elite".
5. The leader introduces "insider speak" within the community. These are trite little phrases or sayings that are often repeated by the leader, and show up in the external words and writings of the members. This insider speak is a way of signaling to other group members that you're in the club. It's the "IYKYK" handshake.
6. Members are manipulated to remain in the club through gained notoriety and acknowledgment within the club. They are led to believe they are better members if they contribute more money and time to the group. They are made to believe they are part of something much bigger than themselves, and that it's unsafe to leave the group. People fear the potential backlash of leaving, so they remain.
7. The leader accepts no criticism, and dissent is punished publicly. Naysayers or skeptics are removed immediately, by shunning or banning them. Those who remain in the group are encouraged to no longer associate or support former members. On social media, they'll block or unfriend you. A former member's stellar reputation may experience a smear campaign, especially if they are a whistle-blower.
8. Each cult has regular gatherings and ceremonies. These are opportunities to publicly praise the best members, encourage more donations or leveling-up ranks by investing more, and to allow the members to visually see they aren't alone. Expect "insider speak" in most member conversations, especially from the leader on stage.
9. The leader eventually earns enough to invest in real estate, a formal gathering place or compound. A place where they can teach others to enroll more members, have private gatherings, and indoctrinate their beliefs into members and staff.
There are other tactics being used, but these are the main ones to identify. If you've found value in this article, share it with others.
-Tony
From $0 to $14 Million Lessons - with Bret Voelkel - EP 364
Bret Voelkel returns to the show to share his tactical insights on building RideTech from $0 to over $10M, and eventually exiting for over $14M in 2019.
In this episode:
- Bret's story on startup challenges and being the "one man show"
- Lessons in leadership, hiring and retaining employees
- How he survived economic recessions
- Undergoing a massive rebranding from Air Ride Technologies to RideTech
- Marketing strategies and building a spectacle
- How to set pricing on products to drive profit
- Being competitive in an ultra-competitive market
- Lessons from being acquired by Fox for $14M
Unspoken Truth About Building Personal Brands
Building a recognized personal brand takes years, but so many expect results in only months.
Just because others make it look easy, or the fact that you could likely produce similar quality content, doesn't mean you get to skip the time factor.
Your first goal should be to become someone of value worth listening to. Demonstrate your expertise and proven results in something. Answer the question of "Why?" an audience should pay attention.
There are too many that just want to claim they are the best, but have nothing to show for it. The real experts create proven results first, then speak about them long afterwards.
Just understand that you are playing the lifetime game, and be committed to creating content, while at the same time being patient with getting results.
Years, not months!
You can certainly shorten the time for gaining your tactical education, by hiring a coach or an agency. Knowledge related to messaging, positioning, copywriting, content creation, formats and editing. Social media skills, etc...
But, having the knowledge of tactics doesn't mean you'll get to skip the years of putting yourself out there, doing the work. Plenty of people know *what* to do, but aren't doing it. Most give up too soon.
Years, not months!
Everyone starts with zero audience, and zero followers. Don't be hard on yourself if you're just beginning.
It's better to become the right person with the right message, instead of the right message coming from the wrong person.
Years, not months.
-Tony
The Importance of Emotion in Messaging
If you are a coach or consultant and you're struggling to get clients, maybe it's just your message.
First of all, there is the question of integrity and authenticity.
There are people selling the promise of earning a lot of money, who don't seem to have a lot of money.
There are people selling the promise of building your influence or fame, who haven't demonstrated it, themselves. They don't even have a Google knowledge panel for their own name.
There are people selling the hope of a happy and enlightened life, who seem to be drama magnets and basket cases.
There are relationship and dating experts who are divorced a couple times, and are single. But they keep giving advice on it.
If you've made it past the authenticity checks, then there is something more important about your message that you may not understand.
It is the emotion that you are known for providing to your audience.
It's not about what you do, it's about what emotion they feel when they interact with you.
While the amateurs waste a lot of time pitching their products and services, the experts are keyed into the overall emotion that their content is known for.
What ONE emotion do you consistently provide to your audience? Do you know it? Let's hear it.
-Tony
Reinvention & Professional Titles
Here's some advice on professional titles and their marketing value.
Yesterday I was speaking to a group of coaches and a few of them were just starting out their coaching careers.
They were getting too hung up on trying to be creative with their job titles. I can relate, as I did the same back in 2016.
Rather than using "Business Coach", which I thought sounded too boring or basic, I was thinking of using "Business Strategist" or "Entrepreneurship Mentor" or other fancy combinations of words.
This was ego speaking. I wanted an elevated sounding job title, just like we seek in corporate settings. I didn't want to be lumped in with a sea of average business coaches.
The huge problem with trying to be clever with professional titles, is that you miss out on all the search engine results you'd receive by using a title that people actually search for.
Hardly anybody is searching Google for "Entrepreneurship Mentor" or "Business Strategist", no matter how cool that sounds to you.
They are seeking a Business Coach, or an Executive Coach. Possibly even a High Performance Coach. Use titles people actively search for, and chances are you'll get more opportunities for clients finding you.
One of the newer coaches yesterday was struggling with using "Life Coach" because she sees so many frauds in the space, with little actual life experience, and certainly no education or credentials to back up the profession.
She had a masters degree in psychology and also worked as a therapist for several years. She had all sorts of credentials and certifications.
I explained the same ego situation I went through, to bring her clarity.
A generic title doesn't make you a generic coach. Your potential clients will seek out the qualifications and proof from each of the coaches they evaluate to work with, or at least they should.
Use the title that will benefit you with being discovered, not the one that serves your ego or competitiveness. Your results will stand out, if you have them. That's what will separate you from the others.
On another topic; If you truly want to reinvent yourself, you must also have the courage to shed the following:
- Your identity built on previous careers that no longer serve your future.
- The acronyms like "MBA, CPA, PMP" etc. that no longer describe where you're headed (people use these for ego and validation btw)
- Still defining yourself within previous industries that no longer serve you.
- Societal beliefs and actions that limit you from your future.
The courageous ones will get this, they've already moved to the other side of this. The others will wonder if they could do it. The scared will feel defensive about this subject.
-Tony
The Power Of Visualization - with Tony Whatley - EP 356
Tony Whatley shares his practice on visualization, and how it has helped him achieve his own success and results. In this episode, we'll talk about
- The influence my mother had on me as a child
- Creating "Dream Boards" to visualize goals
- The science behind how your brain processes goals and why you need goals
- The story of the blue Dodge Viper
- A review of my 2018 vision board (see cover artwork)
Lean Into The Challenge
Prior to 2017, I had zero intentions of ever becoming a speaker.
In fact, even when I started public speaking lessons with Toastmasters that year, I was just preparing myself just in case I was interviewed following the release of the book I was writing.
While I was writing Side Hustle Millionaire in 2017, it was with the idea that I could extract my knowledge and put it out there, to potentially help business owners.
I thought I could achieve that without being on any cameras, microphones, or spotlights. There are numerous impactful authors that you wouldn't recognize if you saw them.
As I continued to write chapters of the book, I was sending them to my Editor, Mike Fallat to review. About midway through the book, he mentioned something that I didn't necessarily want to admit.
"Tony, this is turning out to be a great book! It will likely be a best-seller from what I've seen, and people might want to interview you or have you speak."
That thing I knew I was avoiding; Putting myself out there, came back around and punched me in the face. The entire reason for writing a book was to avoid that level of discomfort.
Like most, I wanted to avoid judgment, potential criticism, societal labels, and stepping into the unknown. My own insecurities and fears were easily concealed with typical excuses.
"I don't need to put myself out there, I'm already successful. I have a family and businesses to run, so I'm too busy already. I enjoy my private life."
All of these were excuses. I knew I had a greater purpose, and I was hoping that book was enough. But I was honest with myself and knew I had to become the right person to carry that book and be willing to fight for the message to reach far more people.
Sure, the book itself may have impacted thousands on its own. But I was leaving a much bigger potential impact on the table, by not being willing to do what it takes.
I leaned into learning the skill (not talent) of public speaking. I worked with a coach, used social media videos to practice reps, and eventually I was winning Toastmasters competitions and standing on some very large stages. I learned to love the challenge, and the newfound skill.
Here's the message for you. I have no doubt that there are some amazing skills still locked up inside you. You admire others creating real impact and showing courage, while you avoid the opportunities for yourself.
It's not easy. It never is. There will be sacrifices. But tell me this, what comes easily that is worth having? Nothing.
-Tony